Paperback Writer

I'm really sorry.

2004-11-09T13:52:00.000+11:00

Ok, so I hadn't written anything in 3 days. Today, struggling with writer's block, no inspiration and the fact that I was listening to Delta Goodrem's album at the time, it kind of took a brand new twist:

She parked the car, locked it in the garage, and walked up to her front door. Oscar was standing there.

"Wash Hog?!" Jess exclaimed.

'A new beginning, a new chapter of my life, started the day, I thought, it could be my last. OUT OF THE BLUE - there I found you, show me your life, I cant see without you.' Delta Goodrem started singing. Jess really liked her new album, and she thought that the lyrics to 'Out Of The Blue' really fitted her first meeting with Oscar.

Do you know what else they fitted? The alien invasion that was currently taking place. Within seconds, Jess and Oscar were dead, having been eaten by them.

Now, we hear their side of the story.

Seriously, aliens were the only way this story was going to be saved. Just have all the main characters eaten by them and then start again.

THE VERDICT

2004-11-08T19:45:00.000+11:00

I went for my interview today. And it went really well!! Yay! Di Morrissy said I was a good writer! Eeee!

I don't want to count my chickens before they have hatched though. But I am pretty hopeful.

Carrot Mechanics

2004-11-05T16:01:00.000+11:00

In the show within the novel, I've accidentally made 'Stuart' obsessed with carrots. I think it's because 'Carrot' is 'Car' but with a 'rot' on the end.

Carrot excerpts so far:

' Especially at Blakes one rather confusing scene where he went into great detail about how peeling carrots was a bit like driving a car, which was also a bit like life.'

'He shot the offending laughers a look. No one had laughed at his excellent carrot jokes.'

'His character Stuart has all the charisma of a carrot (a food he seems strangely fond of)'

' "Peeling carrots", Stuart said, "is a lot like riding a bike".

"Didn't he say this last week?" Pete asked.

"No...that was driving a car" '

'Just then the director called out, "Blake! We're shooting the carrot scene now!" '

I really didn't MEAN to do it. But now it's become a sort of running 'joke'.

It really is all slowly turning to shit.

Anyway...
WORD COUNT: 8707

NANOWRIMO STATISTICS UPDATE

2004-11-03T20:14:00.000+11:00

Day: 3
Word Count: 6339

Today's problems:

Slowing down too much

Writer's block

Today's good things:

I LOVE my novel. No seriously, I am like very much in awe of my own genius at the moment. I have hit a slight rough patch, but it's still going really well

I love my main character. He is so awesome.

Brief Excerpt:

Then it was back on.

Stuart looked at Lucy standing over a pot of pasta. "Well, if that's how you feel about it, I'll show you! I am going to cook up a storm, and bake myself up a slice of success!"

'Theres a lot of these sort of food metaphors' Oscar said.

I'm really making Stu out to be the bad guy in the story too. I have really turned on him lately.

Updated Character and Story Direction

2004-11-02T13:00:00.000+11:00

- Jess is a corrupt TV writer who hates Australian TV productions
- Oscar and Blake are two actors in a local TV show who's careers she is out to destroy
- Shannon has nothing to do with TV except for the fact that she hates it

Oscar and Blake can't stand each other, Jess and Shannon are sisters who haven't spoken in years. They ALL hate each other, basically.

Yet somehow...they will have to combine...for something that I am guessing will be some sort of quest. Haven't totally worked it out yet, but it's becoming clearer.

NANOWRIMO STATISTICS UPDATE

2004-11-02T10:45:00.000+11:00

Day: 2
Word Count: 4661

Today's Issues:

Too many character names to remember. I've had to get out a whiteboard to write them all down so I don't have to keep scrolling up to check what I called someone. There's not only the characters in the novel, but the names of the characters they play in the TV show

Too much boring dialogue, I think. And it's getting a little serious

Story summary so far, in dot points:

Oscar loves Michael J Fox

Oscar lands the role of Wash Hog in The Kitchen

Oscar and ~~Stu~~ Blake have coffee (exciting!)

Oscar watches a repeat of 'Undercover Pilots'

Jess accidentally prints the wrong week's TV guide

Jess has to answer to the producer she accepted the bribe from, as to where the review is

The other reviews of The Kitchen start appearing. The are all terrible

The cast and crew have a launch party. Oscar is not invited

Brief Excerpt:

Down the other end of the road, at the same moment in time, Oscar was preparing for his own private launch party. He was well aware that he was't invited to the one at Blakes house. He had asked if he could come, when he accidentally found out about it, but Blake had blatantly told him no. But it's alright, Oscar had some of his own friends, and fellow members of his 'Back To The Future' Fan club (he was the vice-president...even though he started it) over for some festivities.

How sad is it that Oscar is now partly based on me? Starting his own fanclub, etc.

NANOWRIMO STATISTICS UPDATE

2004-11-01T14:51:00.000+11:00

Hours of November passed: 15
Word Count: 2884

Current Issues:

I've inadvertently created a fourth major character, Blake. Who is basically Blair/Stu. Which means the two lead male characters at the moment are basically Dishpig and Stu. I am going to TRY and relegate Blake back into a minor character though

I've become totally obsessed with this thing.

Short Excerpt:

The flaws of the show were clear to see, even for Oscar. It was hard for pilots to BE undercover cops. A plane is just not a great crime solving location. Especially as all of the crimes had to be taking place on the planes...that's the only way that the pilots could investigate them. Added to that, most of the time they had to be preoccupied with actually flying the plane. Though every now and again they would come out of the cock pit and pretend to be interested in buying some drugs. The basic concept of the show was that "Everyone trusts a pilot". Thats why they made such effective aliases for undercover detectives.

'Undercover Pilots' is the show Blake starred in before The Kitchen. Oscar is watching a repeat of it on TV. Oscar and Blake are sort of friends, but also kind of hate each other.

And that's pretty much it thus far.

New Developments

2004-11-01T10:57:00.000+11:00

There's now a new character, an actor called Blake McDonald. He plays a TV character called Stuart, of course.

I also think the character based on 'me' will be involved with someone called Adam Camerons.

Meanwhile...I am worried that the whole thing is too much 'comedy'. It's all highly ridiculous.

NANOWRIMO DAY ONE: STATISTICS

2004-11-01T01:55:00.000+11:00

Hours Of November Lapsed: 2
Words Written: 1058
Story So Far:
Just establishing the character of Oscar. How he got the part of Wash Hog, that his hero is Michael J Fox, etc.
Problems So Far:

Trying not to refer to Wash Hog as Dish Pig

How many Michael J Fox references is it acceptable to have? Do I have too many, or not enough?
Very Brief Excerpt:

Oscar had previously landed a few roles in commercials, and a bit part in a mini-series once about a man who thought his dead wife had been reincarnated as a tram (Married To A Trolly) but this was so much bigger. A leading role in a prime time drama! Well...not quite a leading role, and not quite prime time...but, still - this was huge.

I WISH I could post the whole thing, I really do. I can email a copy if anyone wants to read it though (especially you Jess). But we can't go getting silly about it.

Otherwise, it's all going quite well. Yay!

With three hours to go...

2004-10-31T20:55:00.000+11:00

...here is the...

BOOK OUTLINE:

Jess, Shannon and Oscar are three people brought together because of a
failing TV show.

There's Oscar, one of the stars of the show who's career is in serious
trouble. The Kitchens was his shot at the big time, and now that it's
in danger of being pulled off air he is on a personal mission to save
it.

Jess is a journalist for the city's largest newspaper, who has been
paid off to write a bad review for the show by a producer from a rival
network of The Kitchen's. She gladly accepts the payout and writes a
derogatory review and cover story for the paper's weekly TV lift out.

Oscar, furious, and masquerading as a 'fan' writes in a letter
defending the show. Jess reads it and cottons on to the fact that the
letter must come from someone involved with the show. When she prints
the letter and a sarcastic reply, Oscar gets even angrier and tracks
her down.

Meanwhile, Shannon, a peace loving hippy from across town, is
launching a protest against The Kitchens, trying to get production
shut down because it is causing environmental destruction to the local
beach. Oscar, on his way to filming one morning, runs into Shannon,
who will not let him pass the picket line. Having just read Jess'
latest column, and on the verge of losing it all together, he yells at
her 'What are you two, related??"

Shannon does not know to whom he is referring, but in actual fact
yes! The two ARE related. Jess and Shannon are sisters, but haven't
really spoken to each other in years, since a falling out over the
Blur Vs Oasis feud.

But now that Brit Pop is dead, and with a maniacal television actor
after the both of them, Shannon and Jess will reunite to fight against
locally produced television drama.

Along the way the three will deal with love, drama, intrigue, ratings
and a never ending stream of inevitable wacky hi-jinks.

OH FUCK

2004-10-30T11:51:00.000+10:00

It's two days to go, and I have NOTHING.

I kept thinking, oh, it's ok...plenty of time to come up with something...November is ages away! And now it's here and I have zero ideas.

Thanks to today's Great Joke...

2004-10-29T13:33:00.000+10:00

I'm going to write an essay/article called Who Says Scatman John Dying Has To Be Depressing?

It will be about the posthumous respect a lot of artists receive, and how Scatman John is often left out of this. I think it is a brilliant idea.

Edit: So I actually managed to do it. 800 words on Scatman John. And now I don't know what to do with it.

A Liz

2004-10-28T13:53:00.000+10:00

THIS is who will be interviewing me...

Australia's 'leading lady of fiction' Di Morrissey. On the one hand, I'm relieved that she's blonde. But on the other, it's a bit worrying that she is like a proper author.

I kinda sorta know who she is...her books are mostly women's fiction I think (Edit: I don't mean romance. Or Chick Lit. Though I guess they kind of are. Oh, I don't know) I was looking at one in the newsagents/bookstore today...her picture on the back was a bit more frightening than the one above.

I do wonder why she has time to teach the course if she's so successful though. Maybe it's not many hours a week (I HOPE so!).

I keep thinking about all the half-truths I told on my application. Well...they weren't so much not true...I've just changed my mind a lot, even since then. I said I wanted to be a comedy writer, and presented a folio demonstrating 'as such'. But now I think I want to be the editor of Vogue. Which is totally different. She's going to think I'm Miss Changy-Pants I think.

Also, I elaborated the truth about what experience I have. What if she wants proof?

I have to stop worrying...it's really not that important. It won't be the end of the world if I don't get in. It will just mean that I am completely talentless and have no future. So not all that bad.

Coming Up Soon: Some depressing poetry

Oh, Fuck

2004-10-26T19:53:00.000+10:00

I got a call about my folio application for Exclusive Writing Course today. I have to come in for an interview.

I know this is a good thing, and I guess it means my folio was ok, but now I have to be PROPERLY JUDGED on my writing.

I'll have to talk about my writing, and have someone else talk about it and decide if it's good enough. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Having my writing judged is my worst ever fear. As SOME people know, and now I guess everyone reading this, I think every single thing I write is completely shit. I have absolutely no confidence in my own abilities (Magical Mystery Blogs aside...I don't really take that seriously, so I don't care).

Yes, this is a healthy mind frame. I'm trying to get over it. Face the fear, get into gear, etc.

I'm just going to be so freaked out from now till the interview takes place though.

Life Mechanics - The Book

2004-10-23T18:41:00.000+10:00

Early chapter headings, just to give me some idea of what I'm doing....

1. Introduction
2. Life Is Like A Car
3. Life Is Also Like A Highway
4. Getting Out Of The Parking Lot
5. Beginning Your Journey On The Road Of Life
6. Taking Control Of The Steering Wheel
7. Becoming The Driver Of Your Own Destiny
8. Overcoming Speed Humps
9. Changing Gears
10. Reaching The Crossroads
11. Accelerating Your Future
12. Racing Into Overdrive
13. Learning To Put Your Foot On The Brakes
14. Enjoying The Ride
15. Cruising Your Way To Happiness
16. The Journey Never Ends

Will probably change quite a bit, but are generally heading in the right direction.

Crystal's Book Club

2004-10-22T23:39:00.000+10:00

Ready to dive head first into the world of literature? Want to expand your bookshelf (and your mind!) by being introduced to some great works that will make you think, ponder AND reflect? Then welcome to Crystal's Book Club - you've come to the right place.

Brief summary of how the club works: It's very basic...there's just one book per week, to read, study and discuss.

This week's book is:

Kristy's Mystery Admirer

This book deals with the issues of (believe it or not) kidnapping, stalking, lesbianism, incest and identity.

During the week we will be going through it chapter-by-chapter and discussing these issues as they arise.

Today's Task:

Read through chapters 1 & 2 over the next day, and answer the following questions:

1. How does Ann M Martin subtly suggest that Kristy has a crush on Bart?

2. What is Bart like as a character? Take a Marxist approach in your answer

3. Why does the audience immediately take a liking to the character of Charlie? Is this deliberately intended by the author?

4. How is the technique of exposition used in the Chapter 2 introduction of the Babysitters Club? Is this successful?

I will be giving my own personal answers to these questions tomorrow, but try to come up with your own as well.

Welcome to the book club!

9 Days To Go!

2004-10-22T23:08:00.000+10:00

Still don't know what I am going to write about though. Well...I sort of have a vague idea...but it seems too lame to mention.

Important Notice:

As this blog was mostly set up FOR NNWM (because it's apparently against the law not to have one) it will mostly be about that.

HOWEVER - I will not be publishing any of the novel here. I have very good reasons for this which will be revealed in the future.

What you can expect though, are the following very exciting things:

Word counts!

Vague outlines!

Brief excerpts!

So obviously, the fun WILL never stop.

2004-10-22T14:31:00.000+10:00

'It's a thousand pages, give or take a few...'